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2 Ways I Stay Calm in Tense Meetings


People in a tense meeting with a calm woman
Stay calm in a tense meeting

I bet you've experienced a few tense meetings. Those moments where someone gets hijacked by their emotions and says things that collectively elevate the group's blood pressure. It's difficult to remain calm. Especially when it feels like you or your team are on trial.

Former forecasting professional here. Talk about a bunch of pissed-off people every time the forecast was wrong. Which was every day. I’m not Nostradamus. I was excellent at hitting the forecasting goals. That rarely mattered. It mattered more to allow people to let out their pissiness before rallying around a more productive conversation.


My calm behavior perplexed my bosses & peers. I allowed other people’s emotions, respected them, stayed calm, and focused the team on positive forward movement before the end of the meeting. They asked, “How do you not want to scream or punch them?”


I wasn’t sure. Was it the tough workouts at the gym after work? Probably. Did I observe their behavior and think, “That’s their problem? I know I hit the goals.” Yes. I didn’t personalize their comments when I knew I did my best work. I did personalize them when I thought I fell short on effort. I’m human.


Did I have other techniques up my sleeve to survive these emotion-fueled meetings? You betcha!


2 Ways I Stay Calm in Tense Meetings:


1. Notice the tension in the body. I cover the tense area with my hand. But only if I can touch the area without making the moment uber awkward. Usually, tension resides in my chest, shoulders, or neck area. This is fortunate because hands above the table don't require a hand check😉 I take a deep breath and acknowledge, “It’s okay to feel this tension” on the exhale.


Kristen Neff’s self-compassion research takes this a step further. She suggests you give yourself a compassionate nickname. Like one you would use to soothe your child. “It’s okay to feel this tension, sweetheart.” Feels super cheesy. It takes some getting used to for sure. It does seem to help over time.


Disclaimer: Sometimes showing yourself compassion unlocks tears. If this is an “I can’t cry” situation, proceed with caution on trying this in an unsafe-for-tears environment.


2. Observe nasty behavior with curiosity. I ask myself, “Are they okay? Can I ask a question from a place of compassion? Or do they need to release more emotion first?”


Being an observer in an emotion-fueled situation comes from years of mindfulness practice. Practicing mindfulness is well worth the effort. Mindfulness trains your brain and body to stay grounded when chaos ensues in a meeting or somewhere else in your life.


According to Dr. Vermani, in a CNN Health Article titled How meditation could change the brain,“ It helps you with memory and concentration, increases resiliency, helps you manage stress better (and) helps you have a positive impact on relationships,” Vermani said. “In relationships, if you’re busy in your mind, you’re reactive. And when you’re mindful and you’re grounded, you have a tendency to respond versus react, meaning to pause and reflect before letting things go out of your mouth that are sometimes hurtful, or negative or judgmental.”


If you want to dip your toes into meditation, I recommend starting with Tara Brach & Jack Kornfield’s Mindfulness Daily course. It’s free on Sounds True. Takes about 10 minutes a day for 40 days. Check out the link below.


https://www.soundstrue.com/products/mindfulness-daily


If you want more tips to find your inner wisdom & new energy, follow us @midlifeswears.com.


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